My apologies father; this is Matt’s first year passing away anniversary, my comments this morning maybe a bit lengthy.

It was this time last year, Matt was in his hospital bed; my wife and I and his siblings were surrounding him, fervently, constantly praying for Matt to pull thru. Father, although you’ve already administered the last rite on Matt, we were all fully expecting Matt will pull thru. We had this strong faith in God that Matt will pull thru. But God didn’t grant our prayers. I once heard an Archbishop said expectation is premeditated rejection. Unbeknownst to my family and I Matt was in his 11th hour and in the evening that day God called Matt home. Personally I kind of understood what the Archbishop meant.

It was the most excruciating pain in my heart that I have ever experienced; I am still reeling from it. The pain of losing a child is beyond description. A child should never precede a parent in death.

It escaped me at the time; I was crying, wailing so hard; it was only afterwards that I realized that Josh, my youngest child, was praying fervently the Chaplet of the Divine Mercy for Matt aloud and steady while the medical team were trying to resuscitate Matt and didn’t start crying hard himself until he finished the prayer and the doctor declared Matt had passed on. The comfort in all these for me – I’m so grateful and bless that I have a close-knit and loving family; we all love and miss Matt so much. And we know Matt is in Heaven; we are greatly comforted by that.

I call Matt’s name every day and I say I love you son, often out loud and cry whenever I drive by Sunset Lane and I am by myself or under my breath or in my head. And every time I think I hear him say back to me I love you dad.

I am still finding it hard to fathom Matt is no longer here physically in our midst. They say time heals all wounds; maybe so, but for me this wound will only heal when it’s my time to go.

Every so often I’d meet someone, a friend or a relative and the person would say, there’s a reason why God called Matt so soon. This makes me grieve even more because I’d like to be enlightened; I’d like to know the reason why.

On the night we drove Matt to the hospital’s emergency room when he was finally admitted as an in-patient, Chris, my wife and I anticipated and expected that he would feel better the next day and that we would pick him up in the afternoon upon his release from the hospital. After all he has had a number of emergency visits to the hospital in the past and always recovered without any problems. That night in bed before I fell asleep, in my head I said tomorrow Chris and I will bring Matt home from the hospital upon his release. But then right before I fell asleep I heard in my head a voice that said, “I am taking him.” Of course I didn’t believe the voice, that it was just a product of my being so concerned for Matt. I repeated to myself in my head that Matt will be okay tomorrow and Chris and I will pick him up and bring him home in the afternoon. I thought I heard the voice say again “I am taking him” as I was falling asleep.

Weeks after Matt’s unexpected departure, I was shaving one morning to get ready for work. I could see just my face in the mirror, but in the corner of my left eye I saw a vision of the back of the head and back of a man. His hair was brown and long and he wore a robe. The vision was in Matt’s hospital room. The man was looking down at Matt on his bed. I realized the man in my vision was Jesus Christ. It had to be Jesus Christ’s voice in my head that night before I fell asleep that said “I am taking him.” Jesus Christ brought Matt personally home to Heaven. God’s will be done.

Matt passed away this day on January 16, 2014 and I am still in disbelief that on that day in my office’s calendar I put the sign of the cross before his passing.

So I say to myself all the medical team’s efforts to heal Matt were futile; that God has already ordained for Matt to come home.

God’s will be done.