And the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds……. I am still looking for
that peace.
Today marked the second full year since my son Matt’s untimely departure. And I am a father still so much in grief.
I find myself feeling alone even amidst love ones, even in a crowd. I am grateful I still work full time; the busyness of
work helps me to not remember vividly Matt’s untimely departure if just for few moments in the day. Chris and I visit
Matt’s grave weekly, religiously; and like me Chris still deeply grieves and I feel her pain.
I am not in a state of depression, but my state of mind is not at peace where I would like it to be. My only escape
is in my sleep until I wake up in the morning.
I pray and pray and pray, and praying eases the pain, but not tremendously.
I miss Matt so much, especially at Christmas, his absolute favorite time of year. I loved seeing his face while opening
his presents, when playing with his toy collections. Matt was a perpetual child at heart and at play. And he loved God;
he prayed a lot. I envision him gliding down from Heaven with glorious wings and hug and tell me all is well dad; I love
you dad. And I say back, I love you Matt, I miss you son. Then reality reminds me; Matt’s no longer here. And I ask God;
please take good care of my son. And I pray some more. And my faith is not wavering, but still I ask why God called Matt
home when He did; He could have waited at least another ten years. But in the end, God’s will be done.